It seems as though the only time i am here is when i loose a woman. Bitter nor sweet but mostly just depressing, i find my self lost in this mess of a woman. I'm glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I wish i had some thing to resort to like alcohol or drugs bt i don't. I miss her. This time She's married. Countless times did we go back and forth wishing to be with each other but the engagement had already been made and the wedding long since been payed for. Parents would disown her, kill me, kill us. She is pregnant and has no desire to keep it. Her parents know but they don't know its mine. Her husband knows and he knows its mine. I admire a man who's love is that strong or is just that dumb to stay with a woman after finding that out. I hope he reads this. She is 13 weeks along now and in a week she will not have a child in her any more. How she can stand to do that to her body again i don't know. It makes me sick. I still miss her. we were together about a year. Engaged and all. She cheated on me left me now shes married to him. She found out she was pregnant the first time 2 days after getting engaged to him. She disposed of those twins a week later. I don't know i even hung around her again but one thing led to another and now she is again. Thats where we are now. Today at 530 PM in Odessa Texas she got married. I keep telling my self to be strong, every one else says i wasn't happy with her so i guess i wasn't. Why do i miss her so? I sent her a text today at 5:00 saying i hated her and wanted her to burn in hell. I don't konw why. I don't plan on talking to her for a very long time. Probably not ever. Death is a stupid thing to think about when things get this bad but i still do. I don't know why. I am too chickenshit to actually do any thing to hurt my self or any one else. She said she didn't know if she would actually do it. I waited for the verdict, waited the way i was taught to, i numbed my self, then there it was. Now its over and the numb has worn off and im breaking down. What do i do now o great teacher? BTW i saw your dad today. I wish you were here to talk to beacuse i know you would have the answers. Maybe some one out there does. Till then toodles
Flores maybe ellison either or i dont care its just a name. ~